It has been an interesting journey of late. There is a circumstance related to the business side of my counseling practice that has taken me into uncharted waters. For months I have been learning, listening to opinions and gathering data. This situation has tested my patience to no end, and I've learned a lesson or two about faith, trust, my temperament and fears. Yep - I have them - fears. They cause some stress (occasionally anxiety) and I work on managing the triggers and diving deep to understand; from where do these emotions emanate?
For today, I'll share that uncertainty can trigger a response in me. Not knowing very much about this particular circumstance sent me searching for knowledge - reading, researching and consulting with others. Yet in the end, I still had to trust - that those with whom I consulted were honest and had integrity; that those with whom I entered into an agreement were not going to take advantage; that the information I learned was sufficient to know when to call in experts on the topic. The uncertainty of it all, having to patiently wait on others for answers - when I wanted the answer NOW - sent me into the occasional tizzy. I described it to friends as spinning-up. Not my finest moments. As I unpacked this emotional whirlwind I found vulnerability. I felt vulnerable - to the possibility of others not doing the right thing, taking advantage of my lack of knowledge or experience in this matter, and taking a step into the unknown. Uncertainty, vulnerability - I had a troubled heart.
My antidote for this troubled heart comes from my Christian faith tradition. If you are reading this and prefer not to hear about a Christian concept, now is the time to stop reading.
When Jesus was facing His darkest days, He shared something with His closest friends to provide them with certainty amidst the chaos and heartache that would unfold over the coming hours. He had just faced His betrayer - a close friend in the inner circle; He also faced a friend who said one thing but would do another. Jesus was aware of the whims of his friends' emotions and choices. Even knowing the hearts of these friends, He told them: "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you." John 14:1-2.
Jesus shows me a way to face vulnerability and uncertainty - trust Him. Trust that the Father has a plan for me. Trust that Jesus has already demonstrated, through His life and teachings, on how to face chaos and He already has the ending for my journey planned out - in the place He has prepared for me. Trust that I have a Comforter/Helper in the Holy Spirit to guide and guard my heart when feeling these emotions that cause me difficulties.
The circumstance I mentioned is not quite resolved yet. There are still some uncertainties and I'm working with my vulnerability - acknowledging, accepting and honoring the emotion - without letting it consume me. Trust is a wonderful antidote to uncertainty, and as I turn this corner in my journey, I'm leaning on the One who is always trustworthy.
In His Grip of Grace
My vocations are many-child of the Heavenly Father, wife, daughter, sister, friend, counselor, colleague, neighbor, citizen. This blog is dedicated to being on a journey in life, and finding insights and interesting places along the way when you turn a corner and discover something new.